I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
