hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
