I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Found the puke drawer
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Randomize
