Where are you?
In a non slutty way
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
