Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
