Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
