Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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