I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
