Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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