Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
