I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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