yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
