his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
