i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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