Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
worst night to have a conscience
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
