naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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