sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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