No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
