that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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