I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
