grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
