is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
