I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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