Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You ate ashes out of my bong
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