Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
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