So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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