I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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