a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
