That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
