He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
