She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
