You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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