He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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