This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize