My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
