upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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