my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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