wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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