In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
