did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
