so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize