That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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