Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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