come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
