and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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