he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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