The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
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