two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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