you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
