Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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