We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
