he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
