'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
