no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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