i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
3pm strippers are depressing
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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