i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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