The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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