I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
