sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
