it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
