I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
