Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
