Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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