I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
