i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
