remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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