Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
