But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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