if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm too high and old for this...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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