Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize