Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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