She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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